You Knew he was Leaving...

So I took Nathan's advice from the flower and went out... it was Dinner and a Movie cause eveybody was going... Annette and Chris, Crystal and Murphy, Courtney and Jody. Amber and Travis were supposed to go but they couldn't get a sitter... I wasn't going to go but Crystal and Annette wanted me to go since my in laws were watching all the kids... it was a Adult night that just happened to be Valentines.... not that I care about celebrating this day... We ate at Papasitos... it was okay. Gerri and my momma asked if I was going to be okay with going out with couples and I thought I would be. I remained positive there but I have learned to put that fake smile on my face and act like Nothing is wrong, I mean who wants to be around a party pooper... everyone was joking around about Sex and even Annette was like umm you're probably thinking thanks guys, but hey I could handle it and joked with everyone... and then everyone had to thrown in their 2 cents about how I knew he was a Marine and he was getting deployed yada yada yada... so I decided not to go to the movie... one because it was raining and I hate driving in the rain... 2 I had a headache that seemed to be getting worse... 3 I missed him

So when I got home I wrote Nathan an Email just a crying... It's like they (they meaning my fam and friends) don't understand what or how I feel and they don't take the time to do so... I mean yes we did get married knowing he was going over there for a while but that doesn't mean that I stop loving him or I don't have the right to miss him because I knew he'd be gone... I do miss him everyday and I'm head over heals in love with him and this is so damn hard but I do it, I suck it up and push through another day cause it's the only thing that gets me closer to him... I stay strong and talk about how he is doing when people ask about him without crying, but I never get asked "Hey Katie how are you doing"... It sucks and hurts to be fake and stay strong even when I'm not... and it's like when I need someone to talk to when I need that shoulder to cry on because I feel like I'm gonna break and I want someone to tell me it's gonna be okay.... they go away or change the subject or it's back to You knew he was leaving...