Heartache

So last night we got the word that Nathan was leaving today. My heart sank when he told me that.... I tried calling to change my flight but it was 450 dollars more so I am now stuck here in our hotel room alone... I can say him leaving this time was far worse than any other time before. We were joking and laughing when they were told they needed to get into formation for a head check... during that time the busses showed up and my heart sank.... I never thought that him leaving would be so hard... and though I am not scared that he is going over there I am sad as hell that he's not here... that I don't get my nightly calls, we will miss our 1st Christmas married together apart... and maybe our 1st Ann.... I cried so hard once they were on that bus and even harder when I got back to the hotel and had to be alone... I cried myself to sleep to wake up and still be alone... I kept thinking that Nathan would come in lay in bed and wrap his arms around me but all I had was a teddy bear he bought me and his shirt.... this sucks so bad... I just hope these next months go by really fast and the next time I am here I'll be crying because of tears of joy....