1st phone call!!!!

I heard from Nathan today... finally on the phone. I can say it made me feel tons at ease and so much better... Even though he's over there it doesn't seem so bad that he is when I can hear his voice. It was just good to be us over the phone joking and acking up and calling each other names... Then I got the Oh I need list... which he said that he wanted bongos... really bongos... but hey it'f for him and I'd do anything for that guy... seriously! I can't wait to see him... I really do hope that these months fly by with him gone... he's only been gone for a few I am already on my 3rd package and he hasn't gotten the 1st yet! I told him that I sent him Rockstars and he yelled YES, I have the best wife EVER... that makes me feel so good so I hope I can keep this up!

Heartache

So last night we got the word that Nathan was leaving today. My heart sank when he told me that.... I tried calling to change my flight but it was 450 dollars more so I am now stuck here in our hotel room alone... I can say him leaving this time was far worse than any other time before. We were joking and laughing when they were told they needed to get into formation for a head check... during that time the busses showed up and my heart sank.... I never thought that him leaving would be so hard... and though I am not scared that he is going over there I am sad as hell that he's not here... that I don't get my nightly calls, we will miss our 1st Christmas married together apart... and maybe our 1st Ann.... I cried so hard once they were on that bus and even harder when I got back to the hotel and had to be alone... I cried myself to sleep to wake up and still be alone... I kept thinking that Nathan would come in lay in bed and wrap his arms around me but all I had was a teddy bear he bought me and his shirt.... this sucks so bad... I just hope these next months go by really fast and the next time I am here I'll be crying because of tears of joy....

Deployment

Alone tonight I beg,

For the strength to make it through.

I'll admit I haven't prayed in a while,

But what else can I do?

The order came just minutes ago,

It's come your time to leave.

This tonight it's killing me,

But this I cannot let you see.

I have until morning to find a way,

To smother all my tears.

I lost you once years ago,

Now it seems I am reliving all my fears.

I know tomorrow you'll stand tall,

Like you've been taught to do.

You'll hold your head up high and proud,

Like none of this bothers you.

Inside I know you're scared to death,

Of all the things to come.

But never will you question why,

For it's something that must be done.

So tomorrow when the time finally comes,

For us to say goodbye.

I'll stand just as proud as all the rest,

Not one tear will touch my eye.

Instead I'll kiss you one last time,

God knows when I'll get the chance again,

Until that time I'll be waiting for you patiently,

My Husband, My Marine, My Best Friend.....

Excited

So I have 3 more nights to myself before I am sharing the bed with my husband again... WOOOOOO HOOOOOO anyways Him and I are excited to see each other even though we know where he is leaving to go to which is the reason why I am coming out. My mother in law is coming for the weekend as well, thank god cause I know we both need her, so it should be a fun time though it's supposed to rain all weekend. Though I am nervous and scared I don't tell Nathan... cause he tells me he's nervous and scared, though I think he knows I am he sees that I am trying to remain strong for the both of us... cause to other people everyone thinks he's fine and excited to go over there, but I hear different from him... and though I don't want him to be nervous or scared to go over there it makes me feel better that I know how he feels and he's not hiding it to me as well. As far as me moving to ....North Carolina.... that has been put on hold. The way the economy is going we think it's best if I stay here and he gets out in August 2010... seems like a long time but if you think about it he'll be gone for a year, then I would have to wait for him to get housing set up when he got back (which could be as late as January 2010 to turn around and leave to come back home 7 months later... I would loose a good job and not be able to apply for nursing school here. So that's where we stand...