Over it...

Why is it that when we visit family drama always seems to occur? Its never the same when you first left and you always feel that you are trying to find your place back in within your own family. Though it seems that we try to make everyone happy, it never seems to work out and you end up hurting others feelings. Or you try to make plans 3 weeks ahead of your visit, just for them to still not work out in the end... when everone was all for those plans to begin with!

I am over it... SERIOUSLY! Over trying to make plans for everyone to get together, trying to make everyone happy, over coming here and visiting. I ask when will everyone come up and visit us and all I hear is that they have kids and that it will cost a lot of money... yeah, NO SHIT... tell me something I don't know like how a trip for us cost 1000 dollars in gas, food and hotels all for our visit down. Now I have done that 7 times... you can do the math! Yet they tell me its expensive. Or how about we make plans and they change or people who were all for them 2 1/2 weeks ago are all of a sudden saying that they can't do it and want us to go and do this with them... then get pissed when I say that our lives don't rotate around their kids.

Call that rude but I am sorry I want to have adult nights too... when we have children then we know our life will be different. And everyone tells me that we don't understand cause we do not have children... yet I do... I give 2 weeks notice out of respect cause I know they can't find a babysitter the day of! They want to do the same things we do with our friends back at home, and while we have fun doing it back at home with our friends, we want to do different things while on "vacation." The tell us we don't understand... I think it's them that don't understand... like remembering what it's like to be the couple without children. The couple without children are the ones who have to make plans around other people's babies, becuase we want to spend time with them. The copule without children has to sacrifice grownup time, because cause kids inturupt. The couple without kids has to remain flexable for the plans to change cause God forbid the babysitter cancel... yes that is what it's like for the couple without a child... yet they parents can't remember that... Perfect example... their child gets sick they call and cancel the plans... but if I were to get sick and cancel the plans I would hear from these parents... oh come one suck it up... I never get a just grown up night out and night away from my kids... REALLY?!? Cause I never get a grown up night either and I don't have kids... but everone I know does. I love all my friends babies I am around... but I just am wanting to show the other side of the coin here....

The moms also have said some things this trip that I am over... even tho they told me they "could" be a bitch and tell me that they could say that he is her son and she wants half the time when we are in town... well you just told me what you felt... reguardless... that you don't think we give you enough time! I want them to know just cause we are staying the night at my moms house doesn't necessarily mean we are spending time with my parents,. Like today we left thier house, spent all day shopping got back to my parents house at 10 pm and saw my mom for 15 minutes... which after 2 minuted tuned into a 13 minute arguement before I walked away... And then for my mom to claim what I am doing is affecting my siblings because my dads side of the family is having dinner on Friday night and I want to go is beyond crazy. I am over it... I don't even care anymore... It's become apparent to me that every time I come back I get more and more pissed... So I am ready to pack the bags and leave... to bad the husband is making us stay until we said we would go.... otherwise I'd be halfway across Houston by now!!!

A year later...

This weekend I had a field day on the house, for people that don't know what a field day is, it's a major cleaning! It was something that needed to be done since we moved in here and to get rid of the extra crap we don't need. While cleaning and organizing things in our Kitchen, I came across this Christmas ordainment that I received last year and it got me thinking. Yes it was in the Kitchen for a good reason, it was there in the last house we lived in too. Its like having a picture but mine was an ordainment.

Seeing this got me thinking on how different things were a year ago. The person that gave me this is a Navy wife ( I will use this as her name) that I had met at a family meeting. We clicked and hung out all the time. She was an amazing friend that I knew I could tell anything, say anything or nothing and she understood. I could be me without being judged, which is what a lot of military wives do, hell girls in general. She had even asked me to be in her wedding, and at the time I was the only person she had asked. She told me that I was a great friend and that she wanted someone she was close friends with by her side, and I was honored! If you haven't noticed I keep using was, because that is it, that's how it was, and not is, and that's sad. In February, everything changed.

I failed as a friend. I let another person decide the fate of my friendship with Navy, and that is wrong. I have mentioned this other person in past post and realized that I let Navy down by walking away from our friendship. I thought I was being a good friend by backing away from the past situation because I did not want her to get caught in the middle between me and what ever I did to that past person. When I learned from Navy that this past person told her, that if she hung out with me, then the she would be upset. My reaction was we are grown women, who are you to tell someone who they can or can't be friends with. I remember telling my 13 year old niece when I heard her friend say, "if you talk to her I won't be friends with you" that her friend is not a friend, because friends don't care who you are friends with if they know you are a true friend to them. I had just started talking again to Navy and had learned that I had recently learned I had upset her from going wedding dress shopping with her, so I bit my tongue n this issue and bit it hard. Tho I did tell her it wasn't right what this past person was doing, I did not want to talk about her friend.

Side Note on the wedding dress topic.... Navy had told me that I had hurt and upset her when we went to pick wedding dresses out. She knows me, as all my friends do, that I am outspoken and protective over everyone and thing in my life. So when we went to look at new wedding dresses, cause she did an excellent job at loosing weight, the damn store lady wouldn't listen to her. It started getting me annoyed. While Navy was trying on her dresses, we were trying on bridesmaid dresses. Everyone is shaped different, and I was getting annoyed on how the dresses looked on me. If one looked good on me and Navy's daughter it didn't look good on the past... and if it looked good on the other 2 then it didn't look good on me. The damn lady was trying to say that I looked good and then started telling Navy that I didn't know what I was talking about, and I should be happy. WTF, I lost it. Who was she to tell me what felt like, and why wasn't she listening to my friend? I spoke up and started saying what Navy wanted because obviously the store lady wasn't listening. My way of reacting was bad, and hurt and upset her I told Navy I was sorry for that. It should have been an awesome day, and because I get defensive over the people I care about and myself, I made it crappy.

So back on topic I did not want to upset Navy again, since we were just starting to talk again. That too got let go. The boys came home from deployment and I got caught up in my relationship with my husband, forgetting the fact that I have this friendship that I am currently fixing. Last week I got a message from Navy sating that she Missed hanging out, and that she's sorry she hasn't been a better friend. I told her I missed hang out with her too, I miss our friendship! There have been many texts like this on both sides, but I finally said that we needed to stop saying we would want to hang out and actually do it.

I know me the best, and I know I am a great friend. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here but I know me best. I know that I will do anything for my friends... I'm always there for them or try to be. I know I will drop things, to be there for them in a time of need, skip school to see them have their first baby, lend money and never ask for it back, bail them out of jail, and hold many secrets that even their spouses don't know. My only concern is trying to be the best friend I can be to any friend as possible. Friends care about each other, worry about each other and love each others children like their own. I get protective and defensive if someone messes, uses, or takes advantage of my friend. Yes I know that its hard and it takes work and while any friend may not think I am being a good friend, I certainly know I am trying to be. I know Navy and I still care about each other because we have checked in with each other to make sure we are both ok during events here in town. Still being happy for each other and life's little blessings and events that come our way, and still checking in with each other when we see that someone on Facebook is treating the other wrong.

I will not put anything on her, but I will say that regardless of what type of relationship you have with a person, be it a marriage, friendship, Father/daughters or even co-workers, it takes two to make the relationship work or two to let it go as well. A year ago, this is not how I pictured Navy and mine friendship... texts here and there; comments back and forth on Facebook. I'm hoping that we can change it and get to hanging out again. I am not begging or needing a friend, I have friends and I love them and they are amazing... but I want her as a friend again. It's hard tho, cause who knows if she is wanting the same, but I am hoping this can help. Funny, how an ordainment can make you think of all that!

Ali and I

She is the greatest Friend I could ever ask for... tonight while we partied at her place, she said that I was a great friend to her and love her and her family and that she loves me too! That I have been there for her and have become like a sister to her! That's the best thing I could ever hear! So Ali, I love you like are sister, and I'm thankful you take me as I am with all my blond moments in there too. Thank you for being here for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to sit with me and listen to me bitch about whatever, because that's what friends are for! I love your family and will always be here for you and them. I look at our friendship more as a friendship turned familyship? Lol yeah I made that up... but I am glad that I can see it that way and can't wait to make you an Auntie to our kids cause I know you will love them just as your own!

and yes I am telling him that you are wanting children from us!

Campbell University

So today I took the 2 hour drive up to my schools main campus to sell back books. I have heard that this campus is a beautiful campus, considering it's got a lot of old original buildings still standing from when it was build in 1887. While driving there, I came into a town that I am now dying to take a photoshoot in... Its got the whole historic look to it which I love!!! Now the question will be is who can I get to come out 2 hours to this location to either shoot my husband and I or find a couple or family that I can photography!

So anyhow GPS said I had like 7 miles to go to get to my school and I was really excited to see what else this cute little town had to offer and figured this historic look would continue all the way to the school... ummm NO!! like 4 miles before the school it looks a bit umm worn down. But I finally arrived to the school and was met by the fighting Camel... yes that is my schools mascot! After I sold my books back, bought the ones I needed for the current term and a tshirt to represent my school, I walked around a little to just get a look at the campus... and it's beautiful. You can see the old look even in the newer buildings, they have managed to keep the campus old, rustic, homey and historic!

My Photography

As much as I love my Photography, I am setting it to the side for now. I have to focus on my classes and making sure I am staying up to date and caught up on all assignments. It sucks really bad because I would love to put myself out there more, but can't. Its not that I don't want to but I know in life we have to make choices, and right now I am choosing to focus on my school and education. Once that is complete then I will pick up more clients for my business, until then I will only do a few shoots. It's ok cause its not that long of a wait in SPRING I GRADUATE!!!

Hurricane Irene

Enough Said LOL

Welcome Home Nick

Reguardless on why he is home we are just happy he is. Ali was in Ohio so Nathan and I stepped in to make him have a good first night back. Going over to their house at Midnight, even in sweats and then coming back to our house and Staying up until 4 in the morning just to wake up 2 hours later. I thought it would be a good idea to go out to dinner with Erica and Baby Reagan, Chris and Kodi so we could all still welcome him back. This is what the military family is all about. We all understood why Ali wouldn't be down until tomorrow morning... so we step up as a 2nd family to welcome our friends home!!!

2 down one more to go... Come on Home Foster... I know your 2 girls are ready for you to be here, and I am ready to take those pictures!!!Again Welcome home Nick

Did I bite off more than I can chew?

I don't know how this next 8 weeks is going to go but I am hoping I can manage! I have always taken 3 courses at a time but umm this 8 weeks is going to be a tough one I can tell just baised on the amount of books I have... Can't wait to see the course schedule!

Happy Birthday Babe

Tho he doesn't really like celebrating his birthday, I always do! To me it's celebrating his life, another year with him here. Him and his brother have the same birthday, 4 years apart, and he doesn't like celebrating it without his brother. I do my best to make this a special day each year... because I want him to always know how much I love him and how thankful I am to have him in my life! So Happy 26th Birthday Nathan!

3 years

I have been wanting to stay at the Anderson in Myrtle Beach, for reasons that are well known to everyone... Hello ANDERSON! Upon check in they even said that happens a lot. The room was beautiful, and we enjoyed our time there. Went walking down the strip, Broadway at the Beach or is it Boardwalk by the Beach... Nathan always corrects me, but knows what I am taking about. Rode the sky wheel...went out to Dueling Pianos, which we love! I even got a new coach purse! All that aside, I enjoyed the time I spent with my Amazing husband and best friend, we make memories all the time and the last time we were in myrtle was for our last weekend together before he left on deployment... then a year later for our Anniversary. I am thankful and grateful that I am married to a wonderful amazing man who puts himself on the line in order to keep us free, and I thank the Lord that I got another year with him!

Jane Dear Girls

4th of July is my Favorite holiday. I am Proud to be an American, proud to have served and have a husband who serves. We went with Erica and Reagan and the Welch's to the base bash. Got to see the JaneDear Girls too... love the photo I got...

A visit to Texas

Only got a week home to visit because of school but it was nice to see the fam. All I can say is that I wish family realized that we don't come into town that often, so when we make plans, we should keep them, because we are wanting to see everyone and spend time with everyone because we know we aren't there that long either. At the moment we can afford to come home and we have no children, but one day that could change. Changing plans, because you want to go do something else is fine, just don't be upset when we didn't get that much time to spend together. It is frustrating when the plans change to something else that could have been done another weekend we were not in town, so we could have spent more time together. We both claim we miss each other but when we are there and made plans to hang out it got changed. Its not that I could have gone either, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself, knowing that Saturday I have to leave. On top of everything else, like I stated we can afford to come home and visit, but we don't need to add more expenses on with another unexpected trip. We have to plan just like every one else.

Birthday Present..

For the 1st time since Nathan and I started dating we are going to be able to celebrate it together!!!! He's going to be home on my Birthday!!!

New theme for the living room

So Nathan and I have been figuring out what colors we want to do our living room in and have it figured out.... Blue and Yellow!!! Yes it's not original and we didn't want it to be, we wanted to make it fit US!!! Here is what we're going for!!!

Don't know what the problem is

but I do know this... being dropped, rejected, by anyone or anything... was God's way of saying "Kiddo you were going in the wrong direction"

People come into your life for a reason... still can't figure out the reason why this person was in mine. I met through family and found out our husbands were deployed together, small world when we are nowhere near a military base. We met at her work, and we seemed to have some things in common, one being that we spoke what was on our mind. We really didn't know each other that well and only talked maybe 3 times but we decided that we would drive up here to Jville together, I was moving all my crap here while, she was following in her car. I paid for our hotel room when we stopped, shared a bed with my mom while she got the other bed to herself. Once here, She stayed at my house and I even gave her the blow up mattress, while I slept on the floor. Worried about her when I heard life changing news, even told her mother in law, as she drove back to Houston with this persons mom, that I would be willing to be a surrogate, and I haven't even had children yet. I'm not trying to talk crap, or just point out the good I did, I’m just saying I give to others before I give to myself, even someone I really didn't know that well, but who I am considering a friend. Looking back at that situation, I can say if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't have done the same.

We've only hung out a couple of more times after we were settled in Jville, but that changed when our husbands deployed again. It's like a deployment can make you get closer and count on your friends, or help you make friends. The guys left and we were hanging out, even met another wife...a NAVY wife... Go Navy! We plan for the what if's in the deployment and cry to each other about them, cause thats what friends do. She tells the other wives that I'm a bitch and that I speak my mind, and people might not like that, but she does, and that I am loyal and can keep a secret. I know this from a few of the other wives that had told me so. So she thinks good of me... I mean that’s what you should think about friends. So everything is good right?

Everyone has been hanging out and having a good time when we are all together then one day I get the feeling something was going on, I ask what the matter was, didn't get a response. Now I am not one to be upset if someone wants to talk to another mutual friend because they have something going on, that is fine. It is when this person literally keep their back to me and can't tell me to my face that the something wrong is me... so they claim they can speak their mind ... but can't speak it to me? This Person can tell others what I did but can't tell me? This person can tell others that I know what I did, but honestly I have no clue what I did to offend/piss off/ upset this person. This person can tell a mutual friend that if she hangs out with me, that they will be pissed at the mutual friend. Give me a break, we are not kids saying you can't be my friend anymore. I chose to be an adult and pull myself away from the mutual friend, because I do not want her caught in the middle, tho I have a feeling it's going to bite me in the ass cause she’s a great friend.

So I have no clue what I did to this person, but it’s obvious I did something, and what I did I will never know. And because I don't know what I did, I don't know how to fix it... because I sent a few texts and asked what I did so I could try to fix whatever it is... still heard nothing. I mean if you have something that is broke you can fix it, only if you know what the problem is... If you don't, you just throw it away... guess it wasn't needed anymore... and just keep living life... there are better things out there than to worry about than small stuff like why someone came into your life... or whatever it is I did... cause I don't care anymore to know... or care to fix it... cause a true friend would have told me what I did to begin with! Guess I just figrued out what the purpose was for this person... to show me what a true friend isn't.

Enough said... off my box now... and yeah everyone has their box!

The reason why my glass is 1/2 empty

is because I already drank out of it!