This weekend I had a field day on the house, for people that don't know what a field day is, it's a major cleaning! It was something that needed to be done since we moved in here and to get rid of the extra crap we don't need. While cleaning and organizing things in our Kitchen, I came across this Christmas ordainment that I received last year and it got me thinking. Yes it was in the Kitchen for a good reason, it was there in the last house we lived in too. Its like having a picture but mine was an ordainment. Seeing this got me thinking on how different things were a year ago. The person that gave me this is a Navy wife ( I will use this as her name) that I had met at a family meeting. We clicked and hung out all the time. She was an amazing friend that I knew I could tell anything, say anything or nothing and she understood. I could be me without being judged, which is what a lot of military wives do, hell girls in general. She had even asked me to be in her wedding, and at the time I was the only person she had asked. She told me that I was a great friend and that she wanted someone she was close friends with by her side, and I was honored! If you haven't noticed I keep using was, because that is it, that's how it was, and not is, and that's sad. In February, everything changed.
I failed as a friend. I let another person decide the fate of my friendship with Navy, and that is wrong. I have mentioned this other person in past post and realized that I let Navy down by walking away from our friendship. I thought I was being a good friend by backing away from the past situation because I did not want her to get caught in the middle between me and what ever I did to that past person. When I learned from Navy that this past person told her, that if she hung out with me, then the she would be upset. My reaction was we are grown women, who are you to tell someone who they can or can't be friends with. I remember telling my 13 year old niece when I heard her friend say, "if you talk to her I won't be friends with you" that her friend is not a friend, because friends don't care who you are friends with if they know you are a true friend to them. I had just started talking again to Navy and had learned that I had recently learned I had upset her from going wedding dress shopping with her, so I bit my tongue n this issue and bit it hard. Tho I did tell her it wasn't right what this past person was doing, I did not want to talk about her friend.
Side Note on the wedding dress topic.... Navy had told me that I had hurt and upset her when we went to pick wedding dresses out. She knows me, as all my friends do, that I am outspoken and protective over everyone and thing in my life. So when we went to look at new wedding dresses, cause she did an excellent job at loosing weight, the damn store lady wouldn't listen to her. It started getting me annoyed. While Navy was trying on her dresses, we were trying on bridesmaid dresses. Everyone is shaped different, and I was getting annoyed on how the dresses looked on me. If one looked good on me and Navy's daughter it didn't look good on the past... and if it looked good on the other 2 then it didn't look good on me. The damn lady was trying to say that I looked good and then started telling Navy that I didn't know what I was talking about, and I should be happy. WTF, I lost it. Who was she to tell me what felt like, and why wasn't she listening to my friend? I spoke up and started saying what Navy wanted because obviously the store lady wasn't listening. My way of reacting was bad, and hurt and upset her I told Navy I was sorry for that. It should have been an awesome day, and because I get defensive over the people I care about and myself, I made it crappy.
So back on topic I did not want to upset Navy again, since we were just starting to talk again. That too got let go. The boys came home from deployment and I got caught up in my relationship with my husband, forgetting the fact that I have this friendship that I am currently fixing. Last week I got a message from Navy sating that she Missed hanging out, and that she's sorry she hasn't been a better friend. I told her I missed hang out with her too, I miss our friendship! There have been many texts like this on both sides, but I finally said that we needed to stop saying we would want to hang out and actually do it.
I know me the best, and I know I am a great friend. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here but I know me best. I know that I will do anything for my friends... I'm always there for them or try to be. I know I will drop things, to be there for them in a time of need, skip school to see them have their first baby, lend money and never ask for it back, bail them out of jail, and hold many secrets that even their spouses don't know. My only concern is trying to be the best friend I can be to any friend as possible. Friends care about each other, worry about each other and love each others children like their own. I get protective and defensive if someone messes, uses, or takes advantage of my friend. Yes I know that its hard and it takes work and while any friend may not think I am being a good friend, I certainly know I am trying to be. I know Navy and I still care about each other because we have checked in with each other to make sure we are both ok during events here in town. Still being happy for each other and life's little blessings and events that come our way, and still checking in with each other when we see that someone on Facebook is treating the other wrong.
I will not put anything on her, but I will say that regardless of what type of relationship you have with a person, be it a marriage, friendship, Father/daughters or even co-workers, it takes two to make the relationship work or two to let it go as well. A year ago, this is not how I pictured Navy and mine friendship... texts here and there; comments back and forth on Facebook. I'm hoping that we can change it and get to hanging out again. I am not begging or needing a friend, I have friends and I love them and they are amazing... but I want her as a friend again. It's hard tho, cause who knows if she is wanting the same, but I am hoping this can help. Funny, how an ordainment can make you think of all that!
